My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
