just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
