Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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