i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
