i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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