Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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