..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
