I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize