I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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