I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
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my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
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They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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