i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
