There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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