wat bout pragnant strippers??
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
