remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
