Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
