Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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