Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
