How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
