So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
