I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
