You really coming over, don't trick.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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