All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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