It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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