Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
