i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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