tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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