I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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