It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
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You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
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I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.