dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!