Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize