nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.