gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
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Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
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Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I came so hard my ears popped.