She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
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She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
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These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.