just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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