Well douche your snatch and let's go!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
