two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
