if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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