Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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