She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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