Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
