u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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