dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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