so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
