Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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