I am puke
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
