omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
