I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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