I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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