I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
