i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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