nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
