the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
