I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
