The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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