I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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