i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
operation have a gay friend backfired
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
