She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
