My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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