I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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