take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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