Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
