We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
