So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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