Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
