Already got asked if we're dating
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
