quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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