this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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