My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
