Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
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P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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