I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
