So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
