Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
