Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
