I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
