I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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