I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
