Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
