can u get pink eye on your cock?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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