apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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