I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
