There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.