Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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