Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
