Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'

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  (630): there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is' http://tfl.nu/8psl
  Replies (61) Good night (7448) Bad night (842)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone

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  (812): my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone http://tfl.nu/r2zj
  Replies (37) Good night (3912) Bad night (900)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.

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  (717): so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity. http://tfl.nu/nf2x
  Replies (20) Good night (5436) Bad night (1280)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.

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  (540): I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down. http://tfl.nu/t10x
  Replies (12) Good night (2819) Bad night (655)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left

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  (713): on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left http://tfl.nu/gb7d
  Replies (57) Good night (13272) Bad night (1180)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.

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  (256): My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred. http://tfl.nu/j0t5
  Replies (18) Good night (3948) Bad night (1062)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.

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  (304): Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life. http://tfl.nu/t3n8
  Replies (21) Good night (6126) Bad night (1618)
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  (845): View more from New York

  it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we

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  (845): it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we http://tfl.nu/wm4n
  Replies (11) Good night (3853) Bad night (1023)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.

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  (416): sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you. http://tfl.nu/2uqq
  Replies (16) Good night (3903) Bad night (2448)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying

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  (304): Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying http://tfl.nu/2vcq
  Replies (12) Good night (3138) Bad night (955)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.

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  (832): i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night. http://tfl.nu/81zt
  Replies (12) Good night (2145) Bad night (429)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.

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  (612): Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up. http://tfl.nu/k33q
  Replies (3) Good night (1733) Bad night (496)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...

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  (706): It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend... http://tfl.nu/nn4b
  Replies (6) Good night (1143) Bad night (600)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award

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  (618): Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award http://tfl.nu/x66g
  Replies (8) Good night (915) Bad night (246)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice

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  (540): I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice http://tfl.nu/bdyb
  Replies (3) Good night (1151) Bad night (253)

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