Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
