My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize