Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
