Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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