so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
