I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
