I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
